Week 3 Post 3

My favorite part about chapter 3 was the part on assertive communication.  Assertive communication is defined as "the ability to speak up from one's interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringes on the rights of others" (p. 53).  As a communicator, using assertive communication is extremely important.  It is a way to let everyone's voice be heard during a conflict without stepping on anyone's toes and offending them.  As a person that usually has a relationship-centered orientation, I feel like I use assertive communication to handle many of the conflicts that I become involved in.  By putting everything out there for anyone that is involved in the conflict, everyone gets to say their piece.  At times, there will be new information that might surprise an individual and make them see that their point is indeed wrong.  Assertive communication takes practice and a lot of patience.  It is very hard to let another individual speak when you completely disagree with what they are saying.  I feel like assertive communication is an important part of the relationship-centered orientation, but has an even bigger effect on communication in general.

Week 3 Post 2

Parents disciplining their children vs. abusing them is a completely different thing.  I believe that parents should discipline their children, but do it in a manner that teaches them right from wrong.  Becoming physically or mentally abusive severely effects that child's life.  When a child does something wrong, they need to be held accountable for their actions so they don't continue to make the same mistakes.  This is part of being a parent and helping guide their children in the right direction.  Timeouts and groundings are just if the child does something wrong.  I believe it is crossing the line when it is done for no reason or if the child is being abused.  Parents that are too strict are also in the wrong in my opinion because they are mentally effecting the child and making it seem like they have to live a "perfect" life without being able to step out of line.  Like I stated earlier, parents have the right and should discipline their children to help them learn right from wrong and get them headed on the correct path.  They can't be too strict or too lenient.  Each child is different and what one family might see as wrong might be normal with another family.  There is a fine line when it comes to how to raise your child and this is why it is difficult to be a parent.

Week 3 Post 1

After reading the completion of Chapter 3, I read about many different orientations that I tend to follow during times of conflict.  I usually follow a relationship-centered orientation because I’m someone that usually likes to avoid any type of conflict.  Although I value my own opinion, I have been wrong more times than not, so I’m always interested in hearing the other parties side of the story.  Using assertive communication is important when dealing with the relationship-centered orientation.  It allows you to stay in a “middle ground” where all of the party’s issues and opinions are heard and discussed.  I feel this is one the best ways to get through conflict.  If everyone is allowed to speak and all points are heard, the conflicts chance of being resolved is greater.  I’m very satisfied with the results of this orientation.  It is the best option, in my opinion.

Although I like to consider myself someone that lives in the middle ground, I definitely have my occasional blow-ups during conflict.  When I get frustrated and angry, I’m someone who will drift into following the self-centered orientation.  I get so angry and passionate about the subject that I try to force my opinion and decisions on the others around me. 

Post 3-Chapter 1 and 2

The concept that I wanted to blog about this week is the competitive escalation cycle.  This is the conflict style where "competitive interests lead to divergence rather than integration" (p. 30).   This is a type of conflict style that arises in my life occasionally.  I always like to be right and while reading the book, this style reminded me of instance that included my brother:

Prelude: While I was driving back from school, my phone died and I reached down for my charger. It wasn't there and I already knew where it had to be.

Trigger: I looked in my brothers car and sure enough there was the charger. I was so mad that I sprinted up to his room and began berating him.

Initiation: I brought up all the other times he had done it and that my phone had died.

Differentiation: We both constantly yelled at each other with insults and fury, but the conflict got nowhere.  We eventually calmed down and went our separate ways.

Resolution: There was none.

This topic was relevant in my life and one I feel is fairly common in a young adult's life.  That is why I have enjoyed the book thus far.  It has really described a lot of real life situations that one can relate to.

Chapter 2 Post

Whether it's communication, relationships, or conflict, I try to have a process view regarding each one.  I'm not someone that usually jumps to conclusions, but occasionally I will if I see something or hear something that I believe is wrong.  Sometimes, the non-process view can get you into trouble, but other times it might be the right way to go about a certain situation.  With communication, I take a non-process view when talking to a particular someone who was known for spreading rumors in high school.  I still communicate with him because he is a friend, however there is no intimate side to the conversation.  With relationships, the non-process view is usually used on people that have broken my trust.  I have a hard time giving people second chances and once you do something that really makes me angry or hurts me, I tend to think that person will make the same mistake again.  When taking a step back and analyzing how I view things, I definitely need to be more open-minded and give people second chances.  Although I try to have a process view most of the time, I could surely be more patient and let things play out more.  This would make a huge difference in certain areas of my life.  

Chapter 1: Post 1

After reading chapter 1, I feel that human beings definitely have an instinct for conflict.  However, I don't believe that it is because we were all born with it.  I feel that many people are extremely passionate about different aspects of their lives.  When someone views one of these aspects differently, there will be conflict because of the rock hard beliefs of both parties.  There will always be a person out there that views things differently.  I feel the instinct for conflict stems from how we perceive the things we are learning as we go through life.  People will always defend the way they think, it's human tendency to do this.  I have never met an individual who completely avoids conflict.  I don't believe conflict makes a person any less human.  Since I'm on the fence of conflict being innate, I wouldn't say that it is very valuable.  There are different ways of handling conflict and depending on how a person does this, will most likely impact how they view conflict and this instinct regarding conflict.